I believe we have found Singapore's answer to Lady GaGa and Beyonce right here: 

www.yellob.us/peaches-live-singapore-competition

Congratulations to the winners!

I hated this song but after being forced to listen to it by the radio, I realised that I love this. Once again, Beyonce did a fantastic job. The song makes me feel like I need to dash out of the office in above featured skanky-white-swimming-costume thing and shake mah bootaye. But I am not planning a mass murder just yet.

Photo Courtesy of Gizmodo.com

Believe it or not, some drunk engineer who had access to the prototype of the next generation of iphones decided to drop it at a bar which was how this whole hoo-ha stirred up.

You can go to Gizmodo.com and view the facts for yourself before deciding if this is a hoax. Since I am as intelligent as a snail when it comes to technology, I'm just going to take their word for it. I mean as long as it isn't held together by scotch-tape and rubberbands, it looks real to me.

SO. I think it's nicer looking than the iphone 3G and 3GS. Functions-wise I'm really not particular since I'm a techno-phobe. As long as a phone looks nice, allows me to call and sms and won't burst into flames while I'm using it, it's a good phone.

But you know what I don't understand? Apple has all the resources and technology to keep their secrets behind armoured doors but they allow some testosterone-pumped 27 year old graduate carry their much treasured prototype out of the factory and into the open?

NOT VERY BRIGHT, Apple.

Even if he didn't lose it, he could have showed it to some hooker with huge badangdangs to impress her and get into her pants. She would then have stolen it and sold it to your biggest competitor.

Apple, no point spending millions on security if you're gonna let some young dude carry your top secret out in the open. I hear there are lots of charities you could throw your money at instead of on iron-clad doors which serve no purpose.

But since I'm such a genius, let me give you some advice from one of the top security consultants on earth (myself) who can help you solve such problems in the future- Keep your phones in your factory.

Me-1, Apple-0

 Personally, I do have an issue with people who go out of their way to be different. Here's why: the general majority favour aesthetics and being different will usually result in you look like garbage.

"BUT ABEL!! Lady GaGa is such a legend! She is unique and one-of-a-kind with a devil may care attitude! Which is why she is so fabulous!"

*Clears throat* That is utter nonsense. By saying that, you are discrediting the entire marketing team and not to mention, her wardrobe personnel. And didn't she wear an outfit from Alexander Mcqueen in one of her music videos? Unique? Original? 

NO.

Why don't I let the pictures do the talking:

Typical American Girl-Next-Door

Throw a stone anywhere within NYU and you're likely to hit someone looking like that. Minimal make-up, no crazy hair, normal clothes- I see no originality here.

Fast forward a few million dollars later here comes the unique and original GaGa. Once, in a Jonathan Ross Interview, he asked her what she wears to bed or if there's any occasion where she dresses down. She said NEVER.

Really GaGa? Would you like to re-think that? 

Total BS if you asked me.

Which reminds me, Lady GaGa wannabes who admire her individuality ought to be shot. If you admire individuality, wouldn't you try not be similar to anyone or in this case, Lady GaGa, one of the most mainsteam artists out there?

Wanna be different? Wear faeces on your face.

Call me Sadistic or trying too hard to be individualistic but Simon Cowell on American Idol/X-Factor to me is like what coke is to Whitney Houston.

Talent Competitions are fundamentally entertainment programmes and should not be mistaken as efforts to seek out ground-breaking celebrities- this is merely a glamorous by-product.

Disagree if you want but take a look at the A*list talents out there and you'll realise that most of them did not surface from a competition. They might have received due publicity but this is by no means, the sole factor of their success.

That being said, I don't understand why anyone can dislike Simon Cowell or anyone who is willing to give negative comments during a talent competition. In fact, I absolutely HATE it when wannabes appear on the show, sing like a pig at the abattoir and the judges try and play up other things like "oh you have a great personality" or "you're just not ready honey"....

SCREW IT.

I am strongly against people without talent joining talent competitions regardless if they are kind and sweet people.

Here's why:

1) By enrolling your talentless crap of a person, you are taking up the attention of the judges which should be rightfully given to people with actual talent.

2) By not slamming your lack of talent, we are insulting the people who actually have talent by giving both parties positive comments

3) You are audio-sensory disaster that should be met with pure hostility.

Which reminds me, I HATE William Hung. With the common negative stereotype of Asians in Western societies, all he did was to reinforce them, allowing more abuse and name-calling to go on in schools where Asians are the minority.

But of course, many of you dim-witted people don't care because you don't see it.

There's a reason Karaoke was created- to keep talentless people away from innocent ears.

Ok everyone, this is Snow White:

Girl, this is not a hot look. Your sleeves look like magic mushrooms and you have a haircut that looks like you got it at a $5 barber in Tampines. You, I'm afraid, have been shortchanged by Disney as well.

I pity you, Snow White. Your bitch step-mother took away your princess status and banished you to the janitor's closet. But somehow that magic mirror decided that you were the fairest in the land and your stepmother decided to kill you (that mirror is seriously spoilt, your hair is a chaos of ugly). So she sent that hunter guy to kill you in the woods where you escaped and found yourself in a cottage where the seven dwarfs reside. 

Snow White, dwarfs. Seven of them. Each with a different personality disorder, all of them measuring up to your crotch. Not the best house-mates I would say. But then you make another stupid mistake of eating the poisoned apple. But I would have done the same, to kill myself and save myself from those 7 freaky little twats.

Ok so they put your corpse in a glass coffin (freaky) and then the prince sees it, kisses your dead body and you wake up.

Ladies & Gentlemen, I have found the pioneer and source of Necrophilia.

Ariel the fish princess is up for her critique today. Since she's the best friend of my country's national icon, I shall not be too mean to her.

Ok so for all you cavemen who don't know the story of the little mermaid, here is a detailed synopsis: A mermaid gets bored of life under the sea and trades her voice in order to swap her fish tail for a vagina, wins the love of a handsome human prince and they live happily ever after.

Ok now that you guys are familiar with the story let me talk about Ariel herself. Ariel, why is it that you merfolk dress like go-go girls in Patpong? Clamshell bras are not really clothes and they could prove disastrous if you're swimming at high speeds. But that being said, if I were a mermaid, I would wear a lot less than you, after all, gravity isn't as effective underwater which would result in me looking like I have pert boobies all the time which is just kicka**.

The little mermaid, in my own humble opinion (which happens to be the best on earth), has the best songs in all the Disney 2D cartoon movies. Which makes it totally shitty when she loses her voice just so she can go above water.

Ok. So here's the thing: The Sea Bitch Ursula gave Ariel 3 days to make the prince fall in love with her or Ariel will forever be her slave.

ARIEL! Is there too much water in your fish brain? A woman who manages to make a man fall in love with her in 3 days is called a PROSTITUTE. Nobody marries a Prozzie! But somehow you managed to do it, thanks to the help of the Disney scriptwriters who continually fool young children into believing that love is always at first sight and it will be happily ever after.

 Oh Cinderella, you are, I'm guessing, the one Disney Princess that almost every young girl wants to be. Many young boys would also probably wish that they can get into your pants. I mean, why wouldn't they?

What I Would Look Like If I Were a Woman:

Image from Disney Clipart

But Cinderella, I think you really have crossed the line from being nice to being a dumba**. You cook, clean the house and wash the soiled delicates of your mean step mom and ugly stepsisters. There's so much potential for you to get out of your shitty situation! Poison their food! Cut holes in their bras! Run away!

Ok so then you attend the ball and enchant the prince probably by batting your eyelids and squeezing your bosom to expose maximum cleavage. Well-played there. But couldn't you have written him a note or something? Made him give you a hickey somewhere private so he could see it instead of running round the country making every girl try on your lost glass slipper? What if there was another girl with same sized feet? You could have lost your opportunity! But that's all good now that he's found you.

But I really have to reprimand you for forgiving your evil sisters. Why are you so stupid? I know you are trying to teach young girls to be nice and kind etc. But you are also teaching them that evil, ugly step sisters who are mean to other people can be forgiven with mere apologies! WHAT CRAP!

SCREW THAT. If I were you, I would turn them into my maids and make them wash my skid-marks with their tongue. Eye for an eye, baby. That's how the real world is like and no matter how much people try to deny it, there's no therapy like sweet revenge. =) 

Today I'll be exploring Princess Jasmine. Please seize your dirty thoughts. I do not want to explore her nether region. I'm going to do Jasmine the way I did Belle from Beauty & The Beast (This sentence has so much potential).

Skanky Jasmine

Dear Princess Jasmine, I pity you, I really do. You are obviously part of the Disney troupe of princesses because you are a woman of colour and you are a token representation to pull in a bigger market for Disney. But my dear, you really have been mistreated. Look at what your contemporaries are wearing! Ball-gowns, tiaras, silk gloves... and you? Disney has given you balloon pants in a gross sea foam green that looks like phlem. I suggest you protest. But let me now move to something more important.

Princess Jasmine, you are a role model for many. I have a friend called Priya who is an indian native and she looks up to you! Her goal in life is to, like you, own a tiger and marry a street rat who eventually turns into a prince.

But unfortunately, she has also been influenced by your dressing. The top you have in this outfit looks like hand-me-downs from an obese belly-dancer. I understand the whole off-shoulder sleeve design for added sexiness. But your top happens to also expose your midriff and combined with off-shoulder straps, results in you looking like an unfortunate rape victim. And you know what the saddest part is? My friend Priya has also decided that she wants to start dressing like a rape victim.

Priya: Victim of your Bad Influence

Princess Jasmine (and Priya): You are a woman of dignity, not Lady GaGa. Put some clothes on.

Image from Disney Clipart

Recently I have been re-watching Disney movies from my childhood and am beginning to realise how much sexual innuendo there is in movies for children.

So here's my commentary on the individual princesses based on their outfits and character in their movie:

So we'll start with this one today.......

*Disclaimer: I love Disney's movies and all the princesses and would encourage everyone to watch them. This blog post is for pure humour & entertainment only and is not intended to offend anyone.

BELLE (Beauty & The Beast)

Image from Disney Clipart

I know your name means beauty and you really are indeed, beautiful. I like the cut of your dress- just the right amount of cleavage and a dramatic silhouette. BUT THE COLOUR IS HIDEOUS. You look like a pudding made from urine.

You are a beautiful girl Belle, you really are. You would get picked up all the time if you decided to set up a facebook account or if you are raunchy enough, adult friend finder. So why on earth would you fall in love with a hairy piece of shit who is called Beast?! What were you thinking? Your children will turn out looking like this:

Love Child of Beauty & The Beast

Image from dawnofanewera (Taken when it first popped out of Belle)

Belle. Please. You need some serious psychiatric help. I know you should love someone for who they are and not what they are but in many societies, what you're doing is called Beastiality and is frowned upon and outlawed. 

This bitch is obviously not setting a good example for the younger generation.

If you read today's papers, The Straits Times, you would probably notice the eye-catching photo of Ivan Heng and Glen Goei dressed as SIngapore AIrline's Signature Singapore Girls. The were the centre of the attention at the 10th Life! Theatre Awards and collectively won the award for production of the year, the most sought after at the event.

BUT. What made me truly sit up was not the fact that two of Singapore's most influential creative people were in Kebayas. It was Glen Goei's Acceptance Speech, and the balls that The Straits Times finally mustered to run chunks of his speech that could potentially stir controversy.

He referenced Section 377A of the Singapore Penal Code which dictates that consensual sex between 2 men is against the law to the imprisonment of Oscar Wilde, the Irish playwright of The Importance of Being Earnest in the 19th century who was charged with Homosexual acts.

Here is what Glen said:

" In Singapore today, in the 21st century, 377A still exists, even though other traditional and conservative societies in Asia, including Indonesia and China, have abolished it.

Homosexuals in Singapore are denied the right to live with dignity and to love whomever they choose. As artists, we are the conscience of society, and we must continue to show the importance of standing up for what is right, the importance of being ourselves, and the importance of being earnest."

Granted, it is a small step. Its no lesbian feminist burning bra in public kind of effect. But its well-played.

I personally feel that in this day and age, in our Singaporean society where race and religion come together to form a harmonious melting pot, to maintain or harbour the ignorant mindset of negativity towards homosexuals is blatant hipocrisy and should not, in any way, be tolerated in the same manner of which racism is treated.

After a long hiatus, I"m returning to Yellobus after finishing my production, To Kill A Mockingbird directed by Goh Boon Teck.

SO. I attended the 10th Life! Theatre Awards held at the Four Seasons Hotel(Food was awesome).

1) Best Set Design
Kuo Jian Hong & Lee Bee Bee (Rashomon)

2) Best Lighting Design
Andy Lim (RPM)

3) Best Supporting Actress
Neo Swee Lin (Nadirah)

4) Best Supporting Actor
Chua Enlai (The Importance of Being Earnest)

5) Best Ensemble
Najib Ali, Hossan Leong, Lim Kay Siu, Sebastian Tan, Emma Yong, Selena Tan, Pam Oei & Kumar (Sing Dollar)

6) Best Sound Design
Zulkifle Mahmod(RPM)

7) Best Multimedia Design

8) Best Costume Design
Frederick Lee (The Importance of Being Earnest)

9) Best Actress
Wendy Kweh (Much Ado About Nothing)

10) Best Actor
Adrian Pang (Much Ado About Nothing)

11) Best Original Script
Alfian Sa'at (Nadirah)

12) Best Director
Fared Jainal (The Comedy of The Tragic Goats)

13) Production of the Year
The Importance of Being Earnest (W!ld Rice Productions)

So here are the results!(Before you see them in the papers tmr!!)

 Beads of perspiration roll down my face,

I see the bus arrive and I give chase.

The hot sun burns the scalp on my head,

I wish I was sleeping, cool in my bed.

Suddenly dark clouds gather in the sky,

The rain pours down and nothing is dry.

I get soaked and drenched to the core,

I curse the weather of this place called Singapore.

Image From STOMP

I believe most of you have seen or heard about this infamous video of a girl getting groped. I do not know her so I will not comment on her actions, only the reaction and comments towards her.

Interviews were conducted and here are some quotes that really pissed me off:

1) She deserved it

REALLY? Would you say the same thing if the girl in the picture was you wife/girlfriend/daughter? She went for a countdown party at a beach. Bikinis are normal. Party=alcohol. What part of that formula says she deserves to get molested? Dimwits.

2) I guess it’s common and normal.

WHAT A STUPID THING TO SAY. It is apparent that the guys who volunteer this opinion find nothing wrong with molestation and would have or have probably molested girl in said photo. Bloody Pervs.

BUT. I’m a fairly logical person. I do believe there are things this girl could have done to avoid this.

1) Stay at home.

But what fun is this right? But it’s a surefire way to keep your lady bits to yourself. If your home doesn’t offer you this security then you obviously need to move.

2) Kicked those men in the nuts

Eye for an eye, baby. You touch mine, I kick yours.

3) Walked away

Yes. I agree that wearing a bikini and getting drunk is not an invitation to molestation. But we live in a vicious world where we live amongst scumbags and we have to learn to live our lives with them in mind. You obviously don’t run across the road expecting to be alive because all drivers are safe and gracious.

Honestly, I think her only fault is wearing that bikini. Baby pink is such an ugly colour. Bleaugghhh.

And anyway, if the molested girl hasn’t contacted the police, she obviously doesn’t think much of it as well. *Shrugs*

Image From daphnecaruanagalizia.com

ME: Eh! Have you seen the new toy collection they sell at Mcdonald’s? The Doraemon thing?

 Clown: Just because I look like Ronald Mcdonald’s doesn’t mean I know everything about them ok, but ya la, I know what it is.

 ME: It’s like a Zodiac thing, like all the different animals of the zodiac. I think it in collaboration with the Chinese New Year

 Clown: Yea I know. It’s quite cute! I want to collect all

 ME: But.. did you notice.. the pig is not part of the toy collection… So weird because it’s part of the Chinese Zodiac

 Clown: WHY LIKE THAT ONE?? MY COLLECTION NOT COMPLETE ALREADY…

 ME: They replaced the pig with cupid.

 Clown: That’s retarded.

 ME: No la. I think it’s because Mcdonald’s has to comply with the guidelines since they have a halal certification.

 Clown: Huh? But the toy is not meant to be eaten.

 ME: Aiyah. Rules are Rules what

 Clown: Then they should have just not done the Zodiac idea at all. Leave out one like this. So annoying.

 ME: You go and ask your friend Ronald lor. His idea what

 Clown: Then now how.. I want to collect the Chinese Zodiac. Not some stupid cupid.

 ME: Draw the cupid doraemon into a pig lor.

 Clown: ………..

 I WIN.

Image From mapds.com.au

I’m sick and tired of people raving about how awesome the iphone is. I really can’t give a rat’s ass. I know the phone is good. Applications, functions blah blah blah. I like using my nokia thank you very much so you can just take your iphone and shove it.

 I would get the Iphone if it wasn’t owned by 90% of the population. I personally find it annoying that whenever me and my friend mix up our phones when we leave it on the table. I’d like to keep my phone easily identifiable thank you very much.

 Apple has already managed to dominate the Music Player market and now they’re doing it to phones. Where is the bloody originality.

 I wish someone would just copy the iphone and change the look of it to steal the market. It looks ugly anyway. Stupid smug iphone users. 

GO AWAY.

 I was looking up Wikipedia on 2010 and it seems like there is a minor debate on the way to say 2010.

Most British say "two thousand ten"

The more pretentious one say "two thousand AND ten"

Event planners for 2010 say "twenty ten" sounds catchy.

Personally, I like "twenty ten" because it's short and sweet.

Alternatively, you can just say "two zero one zero"

But I can already imagine most Singaporeans saying:

"Too Jero One Jero"

Happy New Year!

All right… Here’s a list of things that make me feel like a beggar (Ranked according to preference)

5

Image from Bluefly.com

Look at this hot babayyye… This is to tell other people when you’re taking public transport- “It’s not that I don’t own a car. I just work it the CBD and it’s not convenient to drive.” Naice.

Total Damage: US$ 874

4

Image from Bluefly.com

 Prada! Why are you so beautiful? Why are you so pricey? Look at this. You can put a whole fridge inside and there’ll still be space to put your documents. And if someone tries to rob you, you can smash their head in with it.

>

Total Damage: US$ 1036

3

Image from Bluefly.com

Although this looks like an astronaut’s bag, it’s an awesome way to tell orchard road that you can afford Marc Jacobs.

Total Damage: US$328

2

Image from Bluefly.com

I have something like that now but 2 is better than 1. I really wish I had a well full of 1000 dollar bills

Total Damage: US$625

1

Image from Bluefly.com

SEXY THAAANG… This one is at the top of my list. If you’re feeling charitable, please do get one for me. Or anything from Bottega Veneta for that matter.

Total Damage: US$ 3540!!!!

 So, what is your No. 1 wishlist item?

Resolutions. I’ve always found doing resolutions lame. Only because I am too lazy too keep any of mine and I have completely given up on them(myself). But it almost seems obligatory to make them since almost everyone has a set of them.

So here’s mine:

1) Gain 10 Kilograms

No, seriously. It’s not funny when you go into a store, grab the smallest men’s size and hope that you don’t have to pay for altering. I hate my metabolism and it sucks because gaining weight is harder than losing it.

2) Read more books

This is one of those things that I constantly bitch about but secretly hope I can do. Reading is absolutely boring to me. I only read magazines and even so, only when they are 90% pictures. I find people who read books very intellectual, which is why I want to try and pick this up. Then again, I can always just resort to buying some cheem titles and hold them up to my face on a plane to look smart.

3) Sit on a plane for at least 8 hours

All my life I’ve traveled quite a bit but mostly within Asia. I really want to fly to Europe or something where I can experience being the extreme minority and be an exotic Chinese boy.

4) Find more activities to do in Singapore

Wa seriously sometimes I have a sudden urge to leave Singapore because it is so damn tiny and there isn’t much to do beside drink coffee, clubbing, shopping etc.

5) Become more IT Savvy

I’m constantly being laughed at because I really suck when it comes to technology. I find myself stuck most of the time and having to call my friends asking them about applications etc.

6) Buy something really extravagant for myself

Not a car or a house though I’m not Bill Gates. I was thinking about this Bottega Veneta bag actually. Aiyah, dream on.

There you go, I do have tonnes more that I just will not list because I know I won’t keep them anyway.

So. What’s your ultimate 2010 resolution??

Images from idol.mediacorptv.sg

Ahhhh. Singapore Idol fever hits once again. If you don't know who these 2 are then you obviously have been living in a cave.

Sylvia Ratonel & Sezairi Sezali. What can I say. I really really wanted Sylvia to win. When they were both performing at the finals last night, Sylvia really looked like she belonged there. Sezairi, although good, just looked like he was a good singer with a really bad stylist.

If you don't already know, Sezairi won. I don't know if you see a trend yet but it is staring you in the face and I'm sick of the guys winning Singapore Idol.

If I were one of the judges, I would ask the producers to rig the competition.

Unethical? Yes. Practical? Yes.

Look at the current music scene and really observe. Girls do WAY better as performers.

Personally, I think Sezairi has slightly more talent. Sylvia however, has a way more unique voice than him. But I think most importantly, I think Sylvia is PRETTIER.

Sylvia Ratonel REALLY should have won.

 Merry Christmas Everyone!

Time for Last minute Christmas Shopping! I will be down at Orchard road scouting for some last minute items so please don't go to Orchard road so that I can do some peaceful shopping.

Last but not least...

ENJOY THE LONG WEEKEND!!

 I love music and I try to always to find new listening material on a daily basis. So today I‘m going to post the top 5 favourite songs of mine so that you may enjoy them too. 

1) Come What May- Ewan Mcgregor and Nicole Kidman

This song just makes me wanna go Awwww.. And disintergrate into a lonely mess. I’m a sucker for love songs as long as they are not overly corny.

2) Don’t Cry For Me Argentina- Madonna

I know the song isn’t originally sung by Madonna but I like her version. There’s just something about the phrasing and lyrics that just breaks your heart in the most intricate manner.

3) Bad Romance- Lady GaGa

RaRaRomama…. A song that starts off sounding like an African Tribal Chant takes a bit of getting used to. But like with any Lady GaGa material, it’s bound to get you sooner or later. My favourite part? It comes with an avant garde music video that just pushes your imagination.

4) Happy- Leona Lewis

A song that says: “What’s life without adventure, risks or pitfalls?”  I like this song because I’ve always believed that if you take the well-beaten track, you’d become generic. Take the harder route, it might not even be the shortest or easiest but at least at the final destination, you have stories to tell everyone who have nothing more to share.

5) Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas- Christina Aguilera

This woman can sing baa baa black sheep and still make it sound amazing. It’s the season to be jolly and this is one of those songs that don’t just keep wishing you merry Christmas 20 times.

Do share your material as well!

December has arrived and it’s the time where families take time off to go on holiday, lovers jet off to various honeymoon destinations and friends just wanna get together and party hard.

I’m past the stage where I go on family holidays simply because there’s so much to do overseas that you can’t bring your parents along for. So family holidays are certainly OUT. So that leaves me with either partying with friends or going on a honeymoon. As of now, my finances rival that of a street beggar so I’m guessing I’ll be in Singapore for a while…

BUT. One can always dream and this morning I felt inspired to just list out a few of the destinations I must go to before I die.

Santorini, Greece

Image from homepages.ucl.ac.uk

Now, this is what heaven will look like. Imagine waking up with the nice warm sensation (from the sun lah) gently caressing your face. Then you take your own sweet time to stumble out of bed to lie down on a daybed, take in the fresh sea breeze and eat a nice breakfast of bacon, scrambled eggs and fresh orange juice. 

AHHHH. I swear to god if I make it to Santorini I’m not turning my phone on. Unless I get lost in one of the shopping malls there.

Vatican City

Image from guardian.co.uk

I personally don’t like sightseeing especially for more than 30 seconds but the Vatican City has a certain quality about its architecture and murals that are just breathtaking. And even if you don’t like it at least you can tell people that you’ve seen it and it sucks and that you can do a better job. I know I can. 

Nice, France

Photo From arielbravy.com

I’m not a huge fan of the beach. I don’t really like sand and I’m afraid of the sea because there might be crocodiles in it and I’m terrified of them. Don’t ask me why because they are just so ugly and scary. But look at the beach. I’ve heard about the beautiful beaches in Nice, France but seeing images makes me wanna go there. With beaches this beautiful, it would be worth it even if I get attacked by crocodiles. But of course they don’t stand a chance because I will sucker punch them into a pulp.

Paris

Photo from intelligenttravel.typepad.com

Ahh.. the city of lovers. I know a lot of people say it’s just filled with dog shit, which is fine by me because I love dogs. But like with the Vatican City, Paris is a place that you just have to go to. And also everyone there dresses well which is such a nice change from Singaporeans. 

And that sums up my list of destinations to go to before I die. But of course there are another 5000 places that I want to go to.

I hope I wake up a billionaire tomorrow.

Brittany Murphy has left us at age 32.

I’m not one to rave about a person just because they have passed. I’m not completely familiar with her work.

Brittany Murphy, I thoroughly enjoyed your performance in Girl, interrupted. I like the song that featured your vocals, Faster Kill Pussycat with Paul Oakenfold.

For those who have read the article, please refrain from blaming her death on substance abuse. A loss is still a loss.

Brittany, I wish you peace.
 

Image from Straitstimes.com

I am sick of seeing her in the media. And now CNN crowns her the top 25 most influential people in Asia for the year 2009.

I am sad to say that Ris Low epitomizes the meaning of RUBBISH.

Ris Low is a average-looking girl who speaks bad English. Which is more than half of Singapore’s population.

WHY IS SHE HOGGING PRECIOUS MEDIA SPACE?

She won a beauty pageant? Yeah, I see what you mean. After all, Singapore does have a flawless record when it comes to international beauty pageants. Flawless track record of nothing, that is.

Ris Low is a bad representation of Singapore? Anyone who says this is obviously ignorant. Many countries send beauty pageant representatives who don’t even speak English and not all the ones who can speak English do it perfectly. What’s wrong with her bad English?

Here’s my diagnosis: People are jealous.

If some beautiful well-spoken girl took the crown, no one would say anything because they are better in terms of presentation.
But Ris Low is your average girl next door. Which makes people jealous because if a girl like them can do it, so can they.

Of course, you can offer your opinions on the real reason why she is famous.

Oh. One more thing: Stop harping on her bad English. I walk down the streets of Singapore and hear English much worse than hers.

I swear if I hear someone quoting her AGAIN I will shoot myself.

Here’s a list of things that annoy me and I’m sure some of them annoy you too.

1) “Finish your food, don’t waste it, people in Africa are starving”

WHAT? You mean if I don’t finish my food, more people in Africa will suffer from starvation? Are you trying to enforce the importance of food and thus make me finish it? Before you disagree, think about how much food vendors throw everyday because they don’t manage to sell everything. It’s not like if I finish my food the people in Africa will get to eat. No link.

2) “Keep quiet!! You see that kor kor (brother) staring at you”

This line is commonly heard when parents tell their children to hush in public. If you want your child to keep quiet, please don’t drag me into the picture. So are you trying to say if I didn’t stare in disapproval it is all right for your child to scream and disturb others? NO. If I’m on the train after a long day of work, I WILL NOT find your screaming child adorable. Give it a pacifier.

3) “Money can’t buy happiness”

Well, neither can bankruptcy. Having money does open up more doors for you and allow you to worry less than people who have to constantly worry about saving. In short, money can’t buy happiness because it can’t be sold. But it can buy you everything else. This phrase is obviously coined up by some broke loser who wanted to make the rich less complacent. FAIL.

4) Superstitious people.

I absolutely hate it when people tell me about things that can bring about bad luck. Like not giving someone a clock as a gift because it sounds like sending them off to the nether world. Cut that crap out. If giving clocks to people will lead to their death then I would be giving them out to a lot of people.

5) “I don’t know if I should tell you this but…”

Either tell me immediately or just shut up. Life’s too short to keep everything in suspense when you know that you are going to tell me eventually.

6) “Aiya I’m so ugly who will date me..”

Keep it up and you will end up old and alone. If you think you are ugly, do something about it, nobody wants to bear the responsibility of uplifting your self-confidence. Stop fishing for compliments and maybe one day you’ll get it. 

 Once in a while, the papparazi reward the general population with photos of celebrities looking at their worst. These photos are the saving grace of society. Without them, normal people would have absolutely no self-confidence knowing that such beautiful people exist.

So here they are!

Victim No. 1: Amy Winehouse

Photo from Happy Valley News Hour

Oh wow Amy. Really? I understand bad angles or photos of people mid-speech. But what is this? Can you even call this a bad photo?

You look like roadkill that got dug out from the sewers. I know being all badass and rebellious is kinda your appeal but this is really setting new standards.

I like your music. No. I LOVE your music. But please for the good of everyone, if someone tries to make you go to rehab, GO.. GO.. GO..

Victim No. 2: Courtney Love

Photo from dailymail.co.uk

Courtney Love: “AHM YAM YAM MY LIPS ARE NICE AND CHEWY”.

Walau eh. Are you serious Courtney? Are you living in a poverty-stricken, famine-tormented region? Lips are meant for kissing, forming words etc.

Lips are not food, neither are they chewing gum.
 

Victim No. 3: Lindsay Lohan

Photo from The Judiciary Report

Hmm. I know what this looks like. Think again. With her looking like that?

Not possible.

Lindsay… you were adorable younger. What happened?

If there’s anything girls (actually anyone) can learn from this picture is that alcohol makes people take horrible photos and regret only when it’s too late.

SO here’s a public service announcement:

IF YOU DRINK, DON’T TAKE PHOTOS

 Ahhh. I smell more and more comments coming in and so I'll use this opportunity for some "citizen journalism". Today's topic is plastic surgery.

SO.

If you could have surgery done on one part of your body, where would it be on?

I'll start- I'll get double-eyelid surgery, rhinoplasty to make my nose smaller and maybe some laser treatments for smoother skin.

I know I said one part but I don't care because I can't choose.

Please do not come up with comments like "Oh I'm happy the way I am etc etc." If you do please email me your photo @ abel@yellob.us and i can tell you what parts of your body can be improved.

I am not mean. I'm just saying if given  choice, pain and costs notwithstanding, WHO WOULDN"T GET SURGERY DONE??

Ok. COMMENT COMMENT COMMENT!!

You should. We should. Global warming is really one of those things that not many people bother about. We know it’s happening, we know the disasterous effects but we’re too lazy to change.

In my opinion, this is really the bystander effect at work. All of us are thinking someone else will go green and hopefully level out the pollution we are causing.

I’m going to argue 2 sides of the case today and give you my version of why you should go green.

First view: Global Warming is LAME.

Honestly, you can’t blame some people for thinking this way. I do. If you have lived in a tropical climate with no natural disasters your whole life, weather changes really don’t make much of an impact.

Some think that the world will eventually find a way of adapting to man’s pollution and change to accommodate this. After all, we have been polluting Earth for the longest time and humans are still alive.

Second view: Global Warming is disaster.

Polar caps are melting, animal populations are migrating and natural disasters are climbing. If nothing is done to cripple the emissions released into the atmosephere, Earth and human beings will eventually DIE.

Even if it doesn’t happen in our lifetime, think about what our future generations will have to go through.

MY VIEW: Global Warming doesn’t really bother me but I’ll help anyway.

Here’s why- Constantly telling people that you don’t bother about global warming and you are still going to blast the air-conditioning all day makes you a douche-bag.

Being eco-friendly is now part of manners. In the past, spitting and littering were considered social norms but not anymore.

If you tell people that you do not care for the environment it is equivalent to saying you use public toilets and don’t flush.

Saving the environment is not about being forward thinking anymore. It’s about social etiquette.

One of the rules that I live by is this: If you’re not helping, shut up and don’t make it worse. Don’t go telling people you are not saving the environment when others are.

Interested? Find out more from The Climate Summit. More to come!!