Today I did a short quiz on what kind of superhero I was. I was hoping to be as exotic as Storm or alluring like the Cat woman but I ended up as a man – Super man! Ok yeah, he is cute and kind and all that. I grew up watching him too but I did not want to be a super man. Apparently I relate to him the most and am a fusion of many other super heroes too. How cool is that? Honestly I think I’d really rather be Sabrina the teenage witch and zap my way through stuff.

You are Superman

Superman 80% Robin 63% Green Lantern 60% Spider-Man 55% Hulk 55% Wonder Woman 53% Catwoman 50% Supergirl 48% Batman 40% The Flash 40% Iron Man 35%

You are mild-mannered, good, strong and you love to help others.

Hello Everyone! I was reading a joke book on blondes (apparently they are dumb) and picked out some that I felt was fairly funny. I hope you find them funny too!

1. A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting:

''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!''

The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells,'' You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!''

2. There is a brunette and a blonde hanging over the edge of a cliff off a piece of rope. They realize that the rope will break if one of them doesn't let go and they will both fall to their deaths. The brunette starts this big heartwarming speech about how she is going to sacrifice herself. At the end of the speech the blonde starts clapping.

3. A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are running from the cops. They hide on a potato farm. They crawl into some potato bags. The first cop pokes the bag with the brunette in it. She says, "Meow."

The cop confirms that it is just a cat.

The second cop pokes the bag with the redhead in it.She says, "Woof."

The cop says that it is just a dog.

The third cop pokes the bag with the blonde in it. She says in her sweetest voice, "Potato."

And finally one to show that blondes are NOT stupid

4. A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap. Politely she declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa." Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.

"Okay," says the lawyer," your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. No answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail.

After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you," puts her head on the pillow and goes back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep

- Quote Worthy -

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb...and I also know that I'm not blonde.

- Dolly Parton

Cheers!

Last night a cousin of mine dropped by at the hospital, where I was visting someone and she mentioned while chit chatting that babies today are actually born with their palms open and that it was a sign of evolution. See she is training to be a pre school teacher and naturally I did not want to argue with her on this topic – she should know better right?

She started jabbering about all the technicalities of evolution and how nothing escapes evolution. And how at one point or another everything and everyone succumbs to this. She challenged me a few times to find her something that has looked the same forever. I did not dare quote the roaches since they have been around from the dinosaur era and I am pretty sure that they were much uglier back than.

For those of you lost souls (if any) - Evolution is gradual process in which something changes into a different and usually more complex or better form. As it is most famously used, "evolution" is the process by which an organism becomes more sophisticated over time and in response to its environment.

The Theory of Evolution is the most popular concept of how life is where it is now. Evolution as a biological mechanism is driven by natural selection.This popular theory is favored by several scientists to explain phenomena in nature, so much so that it is generally assumed as factual in most studies.

In short, it is an upgrade.

When I got back home last night, frustrated from thinking, I finally figured the one thing that never evolves into a better form – My darned purse!

Hello everyone! Today’s topic to blog about came to me with ease. In fact I had it decided last night itself. And it is about the traffic congestion here in Singapore.

Yes! The roads are very congested and the cost of living is increasing and people are complaining that life in Singapore is increasing frustrating and stressful and multi tasking is no longer an advantage but a necessity. We are all too familiar with these sentiments.

Yet last night, I read an article about how more and more Singaporeans are purchasing more than just one vehicle. In this particular article, it was mentioned that it was not only the well off folks who came to own more than one car these days. Apparently, even though Singapore is one of the most expensive cities in the world to own a car in - At least 36,370 households owns more than one car - 60 per cent more than in 2006.¯

See HDB received complains that car owners were not able to find parking spots and when HDB did look into the issue, it found 36,370 households owned more than one car - 60 per cent more than in 2006, when 22,700 did.

Well do you not think that its time we Singaporeans cut back on our spending habits? Seriously is one car not good enough for the family especially when we happen to live in a tiny city and petrol price no longer is affordable. And if we must have one for Nana, and Ah boi and Mei mei and Mommy and Daddy then shouldn’t we at least cut back on the whining?

I would like everyone reading this to please think about what I have just said. It is important to have convictions and you know have some integrity in what we whine about.

I have to go now - My brother - he is here and has been kind enough to give me a lift to my driving school. I really would not want to be late for my class again.

Hello Everyone, I'm Kiran and I am the latest addition to team Yellobus.

So I was told, I can talk and about anything here.

Erm, almost anything actually.

My initial intentions were to talk about the Food Blogger who had apparently refused to pay for his food at the Private Affairs. That was until I discovered his version of the story. So now that he has clarified that it was just a miscommunication that sparked off the online furor, (the online community is still furious by the way) - I am moving on.

So I go back to thinking about what else I can ramble about today and I come across this; A director of a major seafood distribution company apparently gambled away 26 M dollars at the Resort World Sentosa (do directors really make that much of money?) and goes on to sue RWS, because he wasn't prompted to stop. I almost fell off my chair semi shocked and semi breaking into bouts of laughter.

I mean seriously - he could have stopped playing when he lost 6M dollars in a single session, before it ballooned to 18M dollars in a single sitting but instead he persevered like a true warrior! So then he had his eureka moment - The amount which was waving goodbye to him was 26M dollars and called it quits.

Yes this is shocking but what I find even more shocking is how he found his nerve to sue the RWS, though I suspect his efforts will be futile. I am also wondering if RWS would have been allowed to sue him if he had won the 26M instead. Hmm ..

So now what is the moral of the story?

Do not pay your directors as much.

(Image from : www.singapore-movie.com/despicable-me)

Yesterday I went out to watch Despicable Me. If you haven’t heard of the movie, it’s about being the most evilest (I just made up that word) villain in the world. The main character is called Gru, voiced by Steve Carrell, and he plans to be the evilest villain by stealing the moon. His plan is simple. Go to the moon. Shrink the moon. Take the moon. And TADAH! The moon is stolen. Well, obviously, he has to overcome some obstacles in the way one of them being three super cute children.

Like so many other cartoons these days, Despicable me isn’t just for children. Okay, I’m just saying that because I’m an adult and I watched it. But seriously, even if you’re not laughing at all the jokes, you’ll probably go awwwww at the cute children. Many people in my cinema did. Even grown men, I swear.

I also have to say that Pharell Williams did an amazing job with the soundtrack of the film. So go watch it if you haven’t yet! Til the next time, bye!



 

I know that the Emmy nominations were announced quite recently because the Emmys are approaching (29th August! Mark your calendars). So I have my predictions! Just so you know, I’m usually way off when I predict something. My World Cup predictions were all wrong (Damn you Argentina) and I cannot predict the weather to save my life.  But I have a good feeling about my Emmy predictions.  So here we go…..

Outstanding Actress in a Comedy

Lea Michele (Glee)

Tina Fey (30 Rock)

Toni Collette (The United States of Tara)

Julia Louis-Dreyfus (The New Adventures of Old Christine)

Edie Falco (Nurse Jackie)

Amy Poehler (Parks and Recreation)



My Pick: Lea Michele. BECAUSE SHE’S AWESOME.  Rachel Berry has got to be one of the most entertaining characters ever. And I don’t care if she’s a bitch in real life. She sings like an angel and therefore she is one. End of story. But Toni Collette might just pick up the trophy two years in a row. She plays like what, 4 different characters in the show? And who the hell are Julie Louis-Dreyfus and Edie Falco?

Outstanding Actor in a Comedy

Larry David (Curb Your Enthusiasm)

Alec Baldwin (30 Rock)

Matthew Morrison (Glee)

Steve Carell (The Office)

Jim Parsons (The Big Bang Theory)

Tony Shalhoub (Monk)

My Pick: Jim Parsons. Steve Carell, I love you so much. In my eyes, you can do no wrong (My eyes have not seen Evan Almighty bleah). But the latest season of The Office just wasn’t your best. Jim Parsons, on the other hand, is just amazing. On a regular episode of The Big Bang Theory, I alternate between wanting to hug Sheldon Cooper or kill him.  Jim Parsons should definitely win. I’m sick of watching Alec Baldwin win year after year.

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy

Jane Lynch (Glee)

Kristen Wiig (Saturday Night Live)

Jane Krakowski (30 Rock)

Julie Bowen (Modern Family)

Sofia Vergara (Modern Family)

Holland Taylor (Two and A Half Men)

My Pick: Jane Lynch of course. Who doesn’t love Sue Sylvester?

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series

Chris Colfer (Glee)

Neil Patrick Harris (How I Met Your Mother)

Jesse Tyler Ferguson (Modern Family)

Jon Cryer (Two and A Half Men)

Eric Stonestreet (Modern Family)

Ty Burrell (Modern Family)

 

My Pick: Neil Patrick Harris. It’s long overdue. Giving Jon Cryer the award last year was just plain stupid. And although I like Chris Colfer in Glee, there’s only one Barney Stinson.

Outstanding Comedy

Glee

Modern Family

Curb your Enthusiasm

Nurse Jackie

30 Rock

The Office

My Pick: This is tough. The nominated comedies were awesome. But since Glee has the most nominations this year, I’m going to bet that they will scoop up this award.  BUT I really want either Modern Family or The Office to win too.

Those are my predictions. Of course, they were just the categories for comedies because I don’t watch drama serials at all. So when the 29th of August comes, let’s see if I am right or not. Please bear in mind that I’m nowhere as psychic as Paul so please don’t make me into sashimi if I guessed wrongly.



Till the next time. BYE!

(All images from www.tv.com)











 

Helloooo. So my name is Ameleena and this is my first ever blog entry (Cheers to that!).  Do you realise that on every first date or the first day of school or even the first blog entry (hint hint), there will always be that one question you have to answer. That one inevitable question.

Can you tell me more about yourself?

Ugh, I hate that question. Somehow my answer never seems appropriate.  I’m 20 years old and I love my nails painted pink. I hate people who wear crocs and I love to shop although sometimes I can’t afford to. 

Somehow I doubt anyone will take my answer seriously.  But anyway, you will learn more about me through the many more entries to come.  And I promise you they will be entertaining and humorous and never ever appropriate ;). Cheers!

Not Crystal Bowersox!

With the vote count in, it's official that this year's American Idol is Lee DeWyze!

For those who are fortunate to have caught this morning's live telecast, what a show it was, right?

Janet came and Janet sang (live??????, hmm... we wonder)...

...a new single (Nothing), and a classic (Nasty).

She showed off her new shorter-than-short hairdo, slicked back to much dramatic effect...

...in a long dress that showed off her curves aplenty, and belying all of her 44 years.

But we really should be talking about the two main stars of the show - Crystal Bowersox & Lee DeWyze.

* * * * *

Newly crowned American Idol Lee lived up to his underdog title and went on to emerge grand winner in the latest 9th season of the American singing contest. 

From the start of the competition, predictions were rife that Crystal was the clear forerunner amongst her peers, and based on her weekly performances and the judges' positive raves, she will win the contest, giving us a female Idol after Kris Allen (2009) and David Cook (2008).

Ah well... what do you know. Nothing in life can be sure. Even the dark horse may just outrun the competition and touch the finish line first. So word of advise to our dearest SpideRider top 5 - things are never over, until they are really over. Fight on, even if it's the last few moments. 

So, it's bye bye to Crystal for now (we should be seeing more of her very soon), and bye bye dear Simon Cowell. We'll see you soon too in whatever you have up your tight tee-shirt sleeves.

Singapore Idol, anyone?

Looks like someone's finally going to write a mandarin version of Amy Winehouse' version of Rehab. According to Wikipedia (search under Stephanie Sun), the local police arrested her 2 days ago in Orchard road and found that she was DUI with possession of marijuana.

Tee Orh Orh... Bei Lor Hor... says your immediate future. I hope that the weed gave you enough high for at least some inspiration for better songs to come :D

Raise your voice & put your best foot(look) forward!

First off, our hearty congratulations to the SpideRider contestants who made it through to the next round. Jonaliang, Rajesh, Arif, Kristine, Mardiah & Bigfatgal all sang their hearts out for the live audience at Orchard Central at The Gr8 Showdown.

Prior to this live performance, the 6 talents were sent to the good people at Hark Music for a preparation workshop. During the 3 hour workshop, the contestants were put through the grind with important tips and advise from the school to make their individual performance shine.

Besides picking up useful pointers to hone their voices, the contestants were also told to bring their performance outfits, and were given advice on how to prep up their appearances. Point in case - when you sound good, you should look just as good too.

Guys and gals, the next time you are at ION Orchard, do check out the new Car Shoe outlet where they stock comfortable Italian footwear for the trend-conscious. 

Especially worth mention is the brand's latest customisable range named Monogram 1.0. This limited editions allow you to customise the look you like by attaching your initials to the sides. Available for both ladies and men, these sharp-looking sneakers look set to be hits. Go check them out.

 It's been a long and rough road for our aspiring SpideRider contestants but thankfully, the end is near and we are closer than ever to getting our first ever SpideRider.

Don't let your votes go to waste! Continue to vote for your favourites and come down to support them on Saturday at Orchard Central because their performance is crucial. The judges will be kicking 2 more contestants out so be supportive of our talents!

Here's more information on this Saturday's GR8 Showdown:

 Since the Gr8 Showdown of SpidRider is coming this Saturday, I've decided to post a video of a very good singer from youtube that I think some of the contestants can learn from. 

He's very similar to some of our contestants - New, amateur, full of potential and hungry for fame. 

I can't wait to see them this Saturday!

 I believe we have found Singapore's answer to Lady GaGa and Beyonce right here: 

www.yellob.us/peaches-live-singapore-competition

Congratulations to the winners!

I hated this song but after being forced to listen to it by the radio, I realised that I love this. Once again, Beyonce did a fantastic job. The song makes me feel like I need to dash out of the office in above featured skanky-white-swimming-costume thing and shake mah bootaye. But I am not planning a mass murder just yet.

Photo Courtesy of Gizmodo.com

Believe it or not, some drunk engineer who had access to the prototype of the next generation of iphones decided to drop it at a bar which was how this whole hoo-ha stirred up.

You can go to Gizmodo.com and view the facts for yourself before deciding if this is a hoax. Since I am as intelligent as a snail when it comes to technology, I'm just going to take their word for it. I mean as long as it isn't held together by scotch-tape and rubberbands, it looks real to me.

SO. I think it's nicer looking than the iphone 3G and 3GS. Functions-wise I'm really not particular since I'm a techno-phobe. As long as a phone looks nice, allows me to call and sms and won't burst into flames while I'm using it, it's a good phone.

But you know what I don't understand? Apple has all the resources and technology to keep their secrets behind armoured doors but they allow some testosterone-pumped 27 year old graduate carry their much treasured prototype out of the factory and into the open?

NOT VERY BRIGHT, Apple.

Even if he didn't lose it, he could have showed it to some hooker with huge badangdangs to impress her and get into her pants. She would then have stolen it and sold it to your biggest competitor.

Apple, no point spending millions on security if you're gonna let some young dude carry your top secret out in the open. I hear there are lots of charities you could throw your money at instead of on iron-clad doors which serve no purpose.

But since I'm such a genius, let me give you some advice from one of the top security consultants on earth (myself) who can help you solve such problems in the future- Keep your phones in your factory.

Me-1, Apple-0

 Personally, I do have an issue with people who go out of their way to be different. Here's why: the general majority favour aesthetics and being different will usually result in you look like garbage.

"BUT ABEL!! Lady GaGa is such a legend! She is unique and one-of-a-kind with a devil may care attitude! Which is why she is so fabulous!"

*Clears throat* That is utter nonsense. By saying that, you are discrediting the entire marketing team and not to mention, her wardrobe personnel. And didn't she wear an outfit from Alexander Mcqueen in one of her music videos? Unique? Original? 

NO.

Why don't I let the pictures do the talking:

Typical American Girl-Next-Door

Throw a stone anywhere within NYU and you're likely to hit someone looking like that. Minimal make-up, no crazy hair, normal clothes- I see no originality here.

Fast forward a few million dollars later here comes the unique and original GaGa. Once, in a Jonathan Ross Interview, he asked her what she wears to bed or if there's any occasion where she dresses down. She said NEVER.

Really GaGa? Would you like to re-think that? 

Total BS if you asked me.

Which reminds me, Lady GaGa wannabes who admire her individuality ought to be shot. If you admire individuality, wouldn't you try not be similar to anyone or in this case, Lady GaGa, one of the most mainsteam artists out there?

Wanna be different? Wear faeces on your face.

Call me Sadistic or trying too hard to be individualistic but Simon Cowell on American Idol/X-Factor to me is like what coke is to Whitney Houston.

Talent Competitions are fundamentally entertainment programmes and should not be mistaken as efforts to seek out ground-breaking celebrities- this is merely a glamorous by-product.

Disagree if you want but take a look at the A*list talents out there and you'll realise that most of them did not surface from a competition. They might have received due publicity but this is by no means, the sole factor of their success.

That being said, I don't understand why anyone can dislike Simon Cowell or anyone who is willing to give negative comments during a talent competition. In fact, I absolutely HATE it when wannabes appear on the show, sing like a pig at the abattoir and the judges try and play up other things like "oh you have a great personality" or "you're just not ready honey"....

SCREW IT.

I am strongly against people without talent joining talent competitions regardless if they are kind and sweet people.

Here's why:

1) By enrolling your talentless crap of a person, you are taking up the attention of the judges which should be rightfully given to people with actual talent.

2) By not slamming your lack of talent, we are insulting the people who actually have talent by giving both parties positive comments

3) You are audio-sensory disaster that should be met with pure hostility.

Which reminds me, I HATE William Hung. With the common negative stereotype of Asians in Western societies, all he did was to reinforce them, allowing more abuse and name-calling to go on in schools where Asians are the minority.

But of course, many of you dim-witted people don't care because you don't see it.

There's a reason Karaoke was created- to keep talentless people away from innocent ears.

Ok everyone, this is Snow White:

Girl, this is not a hot look. Your sleeves look like magic mushrooms and you have a haircut that looks like you got it at a $5 barber in Tampines. You, I'm afraid, have been shortchanged by Disney as well.

I pity you, Snow White. Your bitch step-mother took away your princess status and banished you to the janitor's closet. But somehow that magic mirror decided that you were the fairest in the land and your stepmother decided to kill you (that mirror is seriously spoilt, your hair is a chaos of ugly). So she sent that hunter guy to kill you in the woods where you escaped and found yourself in a cottage where the seven dwarfs reside. 

Snow White, dwarfs. Seven of them. Each with a different personality disorder, all of them measuring up to your crotch. Not the best house-mates I would say. But then you make another stupid mistake of eating the poisoned apple. But I would have done the same, to kill myself and save myself from those 7 freaky little twats.

Ok so they put your corpse in a glass coffin (freaky) and then the prince sees it, kisses your dead body and you wake up.

Ladies & Gentlemen, I have found the pioneer and source of Necrophilia.

Ariel the fish princess is up for her critique today. Since she's the best friend of my country's national icon, I shall not be too mean to her.

Ok so for all you cavemen who don't know the story of the little mermaid, here is a detailed synopsis: A mermaid gets bored of life under the sea and trades her voice in order to swap her fish tail for a vagina, wins the love of a handsome human prince and they live happily ever after.

Ok now that you guys are familiar with the story let me talk about Ariel herself. Ariel, why is it that you merfolk dress like go-go girls in Patpong? Clamshell bras are not really clothes and they could prove disastrous if you're swimming at high speeds. But that being said, if I were a mermaid, I would wear a lot less than you, after all, gravity isn't as effective underwater which would result in me looking like I have pert boobies all the time which is just kicka**.

The little mermaid, in my own humble opinion (which happens to be the best on earth), has the best songs in all the Disney 2D cartoon movies. Which makes it totally shitty when she loses her voice just so she can go above water.

Ok. So here's the thing: The Sea Bitch Ursula gave Ariel 3 days to make the prince fall in love with her or Ariel will forever be her slave.

ARIEL! Is there too much water in your fish brain? A woman who manages to make a man fall in love with her in 3 days is called a PROSTITUTE. Nobody marries a Prozzie! But somehow you managed to do it, thanks to the help of the Disney scriptwriters who continually fool young children into believing that love is always at first sight and it will be happily ever after.

 Oh Cinderella, you are, I'm guessing, the one Disney Princess that almost every young girl wants to be. Many young boys would also probably wish that they can get into your pants. I mean, why wouldn't they?

What I Would Look Like If I Were a Woman:

Image from Disney Clipart

But Cinderella, I think you really have crossed the line from being nice to being a dumba**. You cook, clean the house and wash the soiled delicates of your mean step mom and ugly stepsisters. There's so much potential for you to get out of your shitty situation! Poison their food! Cut holes in their bras! Run away!

Ok so then you attend the ball and enchant the prince probably by batting your eyelids and squeezing your bosom to expose maximum cleavage. Well-played there. But couldn't you have written him a note or something? Made him give you a hickey somewhere private so he could see it instead of running round the country making every girl try on your lost glass slipper? What if there was another girl with same sized feet? You could have lost your opportunity! But that's all good now that he's found you.

But I really have to reprimand you for forgiving your evil sisters. Why are you so stupid? I know you are trying to teach young girls to be nice and kind etc. But you are also teaching them that evil, ugly step sisters who are mean to other people can be forgiven with mere apologies! WHAT CRAP!

SCREW THAT. If I were you, I would turn them into my maids and make them wash my skid-marks with their tongue. Eye for an eye, baby. That's how the real world is like and no matter how much people try to deny it, there's no therapy like sweet revenge. =) 

Today I'll be exploring Princess Jasmine. Please seize your dirty thoughts. I do not want to explore her nether region. I'm going to do Jasmine the way I did Belle from Beauty & The Beast (This sentence has so much potential).

Skanky Jasmine

Dear Princess Jasmine, I pity you, I really do. You are obviously part of the Disney troupe of princesses because you are a woman of colour and you are a token representation to pull in a bigger market for Disney. But my dear, you really have been mistreated. Look at what your contemporaries are wearing! Ball-gowns, tiaras, silk gloves... and you? Disney has given you balloon pants in a gross sea foam green that looks like phlem. I suggest you protest. But let me now move to something more important.

Princess Jasmine, you are a role model for many. I have a friend called Priya who is an indian native and she looks up to you! Her goal in life is to, like you, own a tiger and marry a street rat who eventually turns into a prince.

But unfortunately, she has also been influenced by your dressing. The top you have in this outfit looks like hand-me-downs from an obese belly-dancer. I understand the whole off-shoulder sleeve design for added sexiness. But your top happens to also expose your midriff and combined with off-shoulder straps, results in you looking like an unfortunate rape victim. And you know what the saddest part is? My friend Priya has also decided that she wants to start dressing like a rape victim.

Priya: Victim of your Bad Influence

Princess Jasmine (and Priya): You are a woman of dignity, not Lady GaGa. Put some clothes on.

Image from Disney Clipart

Recently I have been re-watching Disney movies from my childhood and am beginning to realise how much sexual innuendo there is in movies for children.

So here's my commentary on the individual princesses based on their outfits and character in their movie:

So we'll start with this one today.......

*Disclaimer: I love Disney's movies and all the princesses and would encourage everyone to watch them. This blog post is for pure humour & entertainment only and is not intended to offend anyone.

BELLE (Beauty & The Beast)

Image from Disney Clipart

I know your name means beauty and you really are indeed, beautiful. I like the cut of your dress- just the right amount of cleavage and a dramatic silhouette. BUT THE COLOUR IS HIDEOUS. You look like a pudding made from urine.

You are a beautiful girl Belle, you really are. You would get picked up all the time if you decided to set up a facebook account or if you are raunchy enough, adult friend finder. So why on earth would you fall in love with a hairy piece of shit who is called Beast?! What were you thinking? Your children will turn out looking like this:

Love Child of Beauty & The Beast

Image from dawnofanewera (Taken when it first popped out of Belle)

Belle. Please. You need some serious psychiatric help. I know you should love someone for who they are and not what they are but in many societies, what you're doing is called Beastiality and is frowned upon and outlawed. 

This bitch is obviously not setting a good example for the younger generation.

If you read today's papers, The Straits Times, you would probably notice the eye-catching photo of Ivan Heng and Glen Goei dressed as SIngapore AIrline's Signature Singapore Girls. The were the centre of the attention at the 10th Life! Theatre Awards and collectively won the award for production of the year, the most sought after at the event.

BUT. What made me truly sit up was not the fact that two of Singapore's most influential creative people were in Kebayas. It was Glen Goei's Acceptance Speech, and the balls that The Straits Times finally mustered to run chunks of his speech that could potentially stir controversy.

He referenced Section 377A of the Singapore Penal Code which dictates that consensual sex between 2 men is against the law to the imprisonment of Oscar Wilde, the Irish playwright of The Importance of Being Earnest in the 19th century who was charged with Homosexual acts.

Here is what Glen said:

" In Singapore today, in the 21st century, 377A still exists, even though other traditional and conservative societies in Asia, including Indonesia and China, have abolished it.

Homosexuals in Singapore are denied the right to live with dignity and to love whomever they choose. As artists, we are the conscience of society, and we must continue to show the importance of standing up for what is right, the importance of being ourselves, and the importance of being earnest."

Granted, it is a small step. Its no lesbian feminist burning bra in public kind of effect. But its well-played.

I personally feel that in this day and age, in our Singaporean society where race and religion come together to form a harmonious melting pot, to maintain or harbour the ignorant mindset of negativity towards homosexuals is blatant hipocrisy and should not, in any way, be tolerated in the same manner of which racism is treated.

After a long hiatus, I"m returning to Yellobus after finishing my production, To Kill A Mockingbird directed by Goh Boon Teck.

SO. I attended the 10th Life! Theatre Awards held at the Four Seasons Hotel(Food was awesome).

1) Best Set Design
Kuo Jian Hong & Lee Bee Bee (Rashomon)

2) Best Lighting Design
Andy Lim (RPM)

3) Best Supporting Actress
Neo Swee Lin (Nadirah)

4) Best Supporting Actor
Chua Enlai (The Importance of Being Earnest)

5) Best Ensemble
Najib Ali, Hossan Leong, Lim Kay Siu, Sebastian Tan, Emma Yong, Selena Tan, Pam Oei & Kumar (Sing Dollar)

6) Best Sound Design
Zulkifle Mahmod(RPM)

7) Best Multimedia Design

8) Best Costume Design
Frederick Lee (The Importance of Being Earnest)

9) Best Actress
Wendy Kweh (Much Ado About Nothing)

10) Best Actor
Adrian Pang (Much Ado About Nothing)

11) Best Original Script
Alfian Sa'at (Nadirah)

12) Best Director
Fared Jainal (The Comedy of The Tragic Goats)

13) Production of the Year
The Importance of Being Earnest (W!ld Rice Productions)

So here are the results!(Before you see them in the papers tmr!!)

 !!! :)

Sometimes, when the creative juice is over-flowing, and one body is just not large enough to contain it all, you'll need to bring in an associate, a partner-in-crime, a co-conspirator or what-have-you to help you express it.

IMHO, here are some of the best collaborations in the last 6 months (and one that will be staged in the next 6), in no particular ranking order:

1) MSTRKRFT meets John Legend

"Heartbreaker" is part new wave, part electro, part house, and all hit. It's aural nirvana for jaded ears.

2) Eastpak meets Rick Owens

Totally drool-inducing! One can never have too many bags (or too much talent).

3) Boss meets Earth

Buy a fragrance and get a tree planted. Choose either Hugo Man or Hugo Element. The code on the packaging let's you track down on Google Maps where your "adopted" tree will be planted.

4) Chan meets Chan

To celebrate local theatre group Toy Factory's 20th Anniversary, a chinese musical "December Rain" (雨季) will bring together Kit and George Chan, two of the best voices in the industry.

And finally... 

5) Sunblock meets anti-blemish balm meets whitening cream meets anti-aging serum meets moisturiser meets foundation...

Introduced by the Koreans in 2008, the mighty all-in-one BB (Blemish Balm) Cream has dispensed with the need for multiple products in your daily skincare regime. If you're not already a convert, get on board the BB wagon, and start looking fabulous (in one easy step)!

One of my favourite websites, Listverse, discussed what they think are the top ten ways to make it big and famous.

While most of them are subjective and totally arguable, I would like to point out my favourite amongst them all.

Ranked at number 4 is "Self-Shaming" :

The world of fame has been transformed by the internet and specifically You Tube. This is probably the easiest way of becoming famous… you don’t even need to leave your house. All you need is a camera and a relatively good idea, actually not even a good idea. The seemingly pointless videos “Charlie bit me” rose to fame for… well… no reason at all! People simply found it amusing. Another great example of You Tube Fame is Chris Crocker with his (or her… not really sure) “leave Britney alone” video, which became so famous it even got into a film!

People like Chris Crocker and Gloria... Something are very good examples of people who've had millions of views on their videos on youtube. Were they genuinely talented individuals who deserved so much attention? You be the judge.

This Gloria girl started making weird ugly a** makeup tutorials on youtube and had SO MANY hits that was invited to various talkshows in America. 

So, seeing all these people becoming famous by such means, doesn't it make you re-think your quest to becoming famous? If you're a particularly horrible singer or dancer and still want to make it in the industry? Why not do something to shame yourself and the whole human race? You might make your first million this way!

!!! : )

I'm adding a bit more to the point I made earlier - regarding people having no talent but still wanting to make a mark in the industry.

I'm going to use fashion to further illustrate my point.

Have you heard of Isabel Mastache? 

No? Neither have I until recently. I betcha, after reading this, you will have no problem remembering her name.

At the recent Madrid Fashion Week in her Fall/Winter 2010/2011 show, this particular "creation" of hers caused quite a stir in the industry... have a look.

This "penis pants" will likely not sell a single unit in the sane world. But that controversial design has certainly made people sit up and notice her and her designs.

Isabel Mastache - now don't you forget that name too.

Perhaps Lady Gaga will want to wear one of these zany designs for her next album outing. 

So people, if you have no discernible talent, you can still get people to notice you. Just develop a unique style that is so crazy and out of this world that people will sure to know your name. 

So go on now - put on your loony cap and get demented!

Today I'm going to talk about the goals in my life. I divide my life into 5 stages. Each stage signifies my life accomplishment level and equates to how successful I feel at that time.

Unlike most people, I don't think about making my first million, getting married, buying my first condo or having my first child as a stage. My definition of success is far more awesome.

Stage 1

This is the period from when I emerge from my mother's womb till I get my first EZ Link card. This is the shittiest stage in my life, when I have no choice but to travel around with smelly noisy gross strangers in a common space. I have contemplated suicide various times during this stage and I'm proud to say that I've persevered. 

Stage 2

This is when I get my first car. It can be any crappy piece of metal with an engine and four wheels. As long as it gets me from point A to B without exploding, it's the right car for me. It's not a very satisfying stage though, because the Vios is the most common car in Singapore and is mostly driven by 90 year old men who don't mind driving at 30km/h. This is, incidentally, where I am now in life.

Stage 3

When I've earned a significant amount more, I would very much like to upgrade to a Suzuki Swift Sport. Ah... This stage is far more comfortable. It can go from 0 to 100km/h in less than 8 seconds and drives like a real car should. By this stage, I think I can sleep better at night without feeling like shit about myself.

Stage 4

I'm almost there! The Mini Cooper has always and will always be my dream car. When I'm rich enough to afford one, I'm going to attempt some stunts from The Italian Job- Like driving down stairs, into public parks etc. By this stage I think I will be very satisfied with life. 

Stage 5

Screw Lambos, Ferraris and Astons. I'm not going to spend my money on things that define middle-age crisis. When I'm a multi-millionaire, I'm going to invest in 50 Mini Coopers. Each one in a unique colour and design. I will then match the cars according to my outfit and drive around in style. Why buy a sleek sports car when I can have 50 dream cars, right? By this time, I will be ready to end my life. Because honestly, there is nothing else that would gratify me more. 

Picture Source: The Hindu, 15 December 2009, beta.thehindu.com/.../ article65475.ece

!!! : )

I know I shouldn't be adding to the "furour" of the ongoing Jack Neo saga. Just like Tiger Woods, the bets are that many more "victims" will be coming forward to decry the shamed director. And surely, many more columns would be devoted to "analysing" and "solving" the problem that is Jack Neo. Cultural Medallion winner or otherwise.

Well, just indulge me for just this one post. I'm not really blogging about Jack after all. 

In today's ST, Mitsubishi deftly announced their severance with Mr Neo for the air-con ad campaigns. Deja vu, right? When news about Tiger Woods' infidelity broke, many of his sponsors dumped him like a hot piece of shit.

BUT, but, but...

The situation is kinda interesting and different in China. Read on.

While Tag Heuer worldwide distanced themselves from the fallen star, the Tag team in China increased their marketing and advertising effort on their Tiger Woods campaign. The sales for the Link Series boomed and performed well beyond expectations.

How did this happen?

This is because, to the Chinese, especially the male demographics, Tiger is revered and seen as a stud. Having multiple flings outside matrimony is more the norm than exception. To be able to keep a harem of female companions, and to keep getting new conquests, is deemed to be a sign of virility and power on the part of the "real" man. And since Tiger "Stud" Woods wears a Tag Heuer, all men who aspire to be just like the modern-day Don Juan should rightly own and wear one too. And wear it proudly on their sleeves.

And this is how the zero became a hero.